Born on a Pirate Ship

So It's Been Quite A While Since I've Updated This Waste of the English Language I Call A Blog. But How Are You Doing?

2007-08-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while.

I'm sorry if this has strained our relationship.

I'll make it all up to you.

Perhaps by you some really expensive jewelry.

Three months salary sound good?

I'm Curious As To What The Hell 'Icky Thump' Is Supposed To Mean

2007-05-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

The White Stripes kick ass.

And their new song kicks ass.

"Icky Thump".

I do have a complaint to take up with the Stripes, however.

What the fuck does "Icky Thump" mean?

I was feeling inquizzitive, impatient, curious. I knew that eventually some new, hip, music magazine, like Spin or Blender, would do an interview with Meg and Jack, and they'd ask them what it meant. They'd either give a long-winded answer so complex no one who'd finish reading that interview would know what the fuck it means. Or, they'd say nothing. Either way, I knew I would not be satisfied.

So I researched. Where did I look, you ask? Where else, silly? Wikipedia, of course! They've got an article on everything!

Well, it turns out that the term "Icky Thump" is derived from "Ecky-Thump", a Yorkshire colloquialism. That's great to know. Except I don't know of their slangs and colloquialisms.

So this meant further research. Great.

According to the all knowing Wikipedia, "By ecky-thump" is an exclamation of surprise.

So what the hell does that have anything to do with the song?

It'd probably be easier to figure that out if I knew what the fuck the song is about. I guess that means more research. And lucky for you, maybe, just maybe, another post. Whoo hoo!

The song does have some of the most badass lyrics out of any song that's come out lately.

"White americans, what?
Nothing better to do?
Why don't you kick yourselves out?
You're an immigrant too!
Who's using who?
What should we do?
Well, you can't be a pimp
And a prostitute, too"

Fuck yes.

I Don't Update This Enough, And I Know That Upsets You, So I Apologize. Profusely.

2007-05-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

I know all two of you have been missing my ramblings. And I apologize.

I know it's left a gaping hole in your lives.

I know how you've wept.

Note to self: don't let them down. Don't ever let them down.

That note won't do shit unless I log onto this damn website enough.

Which, I think, I've already established, I don't.

Does Listening To Daniel Bedingfield Make Me Seem Wussy?

2007-05-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

Unrequited love sucks major ass.

That may have seemed like a crude way to put it. That, I understand. But if you've ever been through it, you'd know.

You find that one person. Maybe you know that person. Maybe you're the best of friends with them. Maybe you just met them for the first time.

Maybe you decide to ask this person out. And they say no. Maybe they're not interested.

Maybe you sit back and wait for them to come to you. You assumed they felt the same way about you. Bad idea. Because you know what happens when you assume.

So, it sucks, to put it generally. You just feel hopeless and helpless.

I've tried moving on, I have. Believe me. It's just not that simple, you know? You can't just up and decide to feel a different way. Not after all the time you've thought about this person. Not after caring for this person more than they'll know. Not after four years.

So that's when I pull out the really slow/romantic/depressing music. At the moment? "If You're Not The One", by Daniel Bedingfield. It pretty much encompasses my feelings right now.

Except for "Somebody's Cryin". That probably tops it.

You know what? That's what I'm listening to next. It's decided and settled on.

So, I hope you're reading this. And I can only hope that now you know.

Do These Long Blog Titles That Have Nothing To Do With The Rest of My Post Make Me Look Emo?

2007-05-04T22:51:00.000-07:00

Why do the White Stripes have to come to town when I have no money to see them?

Touche, Jim Koplik. Touche.

Songs I'm Sure You Haven't Heard, But You Should Hear Now, Part II

2007-05-04T22:49:00.000-07:00

"Tracing" - John Mayer
"So Long" - Guster
"Break Your Heart" - Barenaked Ladies

Songs I'm Sure You Haven't Heard Before, But You Should Hear Them Now, Part I

2007-05-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

"In Your Atmosphere" - John Mayer
"Hat and Rabbit" - Page France
"The Drinkin' Song" - The Alternate Routes
"Mason Dixon" - Virginia Coalition
"Greener" - Tally Hall
"Oh, My Nola" - Harry Connick, Jr.
"Happier" - Guster
"What A Good Boy" - Barenaked Ladies
"Rememo" - Kings of Leon
"Photograph of You" - Sugar Ray

I Firmly Believe "The Wrong Man Was Convicted" Was Written For Or Inspired By Me Whether Steven Page Knows It Or Not

2007-04-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I really, really hate the Internet. I mean, loathe it.

Especially YouTube. Sometimes.

Lately, I've been feeling this song, "The Wrong Man Was Convicted", by Barenaked Ladies. And by "feeling", I mean, "Wow! They've figured me out!" It just fits my current situation. That's teenage melodrama for you!

Anyways, I tirelessly searched every last corner of the Internet for this song, since I didn't already have it in my collection (which I'm very proud of, might I add). Okay, so it was just a simple Google search.

But I couldn't find it anywhere. Now, I wasn't going to download it. No, that's wrong. Go RIAA!

All I wanted to do was listen to it while I'm feeling like shit. It's that kind of song.

I had no luck. But alas! I found some video on YouTube using the song!

It turned out it was one of those fan made clips. You know the ones, some obsessive teenager puts together a montage of clips from their favorite show, set to the music of their favorite song. In this instance, one of my favorite Barenaked Ladies songs was accompanying clips of "General Hospital". Awesome.

I minimized the screen, so I could just listen to the song while surfing other sites. Here's what I hear.

"I get it. So you two are now..."
"Yeah. Damn straight we are."
"Yeah. And, uh, well, now that the secrets out..."
*AND MUCHO SMOOCHING ENSUES*

This does not belong with the song. At least, it wasn't part of it last time I heard it. I just don't care about this "A/R video involving Patrick, Robin, and Nik... comments and suggestions greatly appreciated!" At least that's how the description described it.

I will not be leaving any comments. I will not rate this video five stars.

I want my B-N-L!

Next time you think of making one of these crappy, obsessive, fan-made montage video, do us all a favor. Don't fuck up the song! The rest of us just don't care! We only want the song! At least I do.

Deface some Kelly Clarkson, or something! You won't be ruining anything then.

I'm sure you people can find a way to use either "Since U Been Gone" or "Breakaway" in your next "Grey's Anatomy" video making experience. No need to ruin a perfectly good song.

No harm done.

Sorry, Stephen Colbert, But You No Longer Rule the Roost of Online, Freely Edited Encyclopedias!

2007-04-12T12:26:00.000-07:00

This barely could be called a post, but whatever. No one reads this anyways.

Apparently, after last week's episode of "The Office", people flocked to Wikipedia to edit it's article on "negotiation". (YouTube it.)

Steve Carell is the best thing that's ever happened to Wikipedia.

Four Kicks, Who Struttin' Now?, or, Bill Cosby, I See Now How The Kids Don't Understand!

2007-04-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

I'm in a fighting mood, people. And I want "Four Kicks" by Kings of Leon to be the soundtrack to my rumble.

"You with your switchblade posse/ I'll get my guns from South/ We'll take to the yard like a cock fight/ Four kicks, whose struttin' now?"

The battles lines have been drawn, and I'm just about ready to absolutely throwdown!

I just had to get that out. But it had nothing to do with the rest of my post.

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I was at the library yesterday. Exciting, I know.

I went to take out a copy of "Angels and Demons", the book that came before "The Da Vinci Code". I liked "Da Vinci", and I heard they were making a movie of "Angels", so I figured I'd give it a go.

After my victorious return from the Adult Fiction section of the library (not that adult, sick fuck!) with a copy of "Angels and Demons" lovingly placed in my arms, I found myself wanting to start on a new adventure.

I ventured onto the cd section of the library. I was looking for a joint Louis Armstrong / Billie Holiday album (as you do), desperately searching for the song "Do You Know What It Means To Miss New Orleans?". And it really was a desperate search. By the end I was very disheveled, unshaven and unkempt. Picture Tom Hanks in "Cast Away". That's what it did to me.

Tom Hanks was in "The Da Vinci Code" movie, wouldn't you know? See how I'm pulling this all together?

Needless to say, I didn't find the album I was looking for. Damn. But I told myself, "Francisco, don't let it get you down. There's a plethora of other great jazz records right here!" To that I said "By gads, you're right!" And continued on in a search for other great jazz tunes.

I found "Kind of Blue" by Miles Davis. I told myself many times I would buy this. All I knew was "So What". But it's an "important" record I felt I should have as part of my collection. I didn't know if I would like it, and I didn't really care. I would use it more for posturing, anyways.

I took it out, along with the Preservation Hall Jazz Band's "New Orleans, Volume III", and Harry Connick Jr.'s "20", to see if I'd like it.

I was floored. I was never really that into jazz, but I love this album. I can't explain why. Maybe it's like what drummer Jimmy Cobb said. "It must have been made in heaven".

I wouldn't mind hearing "Flamenco Sketches" in heaven. That'll be nice.

I couldn't explain why it's so good if I tried. You just have to listen to it. If you don't like "Kind of Blue", you don't like jazz.

I can officially call myself a jazz fan now. Officially, I'm cool.

Bill Cosby was right. The kids don't understand! Listening to all that frizzle-frazzle 50 Cent-Piece and the Puff Diddy and the Grandmaster Flash and the New Coke! Jazz is cool!

I need a Jello Pudding Pop.

Somewhere Along The Lines, I Think We Were Lied To

2007-04-09T12:33:00.000-07:00

And other ramblings of general disappointment.

- So The Sopranos started last night. What the fuck? I watched the first season, and I thought it was pretty kickass. Last season was God-awful. One episode into this season, and I'm about ready to call it a day with this show. Sure, maybe I'm not as into it because I didn't watch the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th seasons. But I digress. It was pretty fucking boring. Why can't all mafia shows be as cool as The Black Donnellys?

- What's the one candy that comes to mind when you think of Easter? That's right. Peeps. And this angers me. Now, don't get me wrong. I love a good Peep, in all it's marshmellow and bright color sugared wonder. But everyone seems to forget the Reese's Peanut Butter Egg. It's not the same as a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. And I'm sure that's why most disregard the Egg. They probably feel it's too simlilar. They'll stick with the egg, because they don't want to shake things up. But the chocolate to peanut butter ratio is completely different in the Egg. It's much more superior to the Cup. The Egg rules supreme in my Easter basket, and no amount of Cadbury Creme Eggs will convince me otherwise.

- I'm kind of disappointed with the Kings of Leon's new stuff. Granted, I haven't heard all of Because of the Times yet, but I'm kind of underwhelmed by "On Call" and "Knocked Up". Sure, they're good. But it's not like anything on Youth and Young Manhood and Aha Shake Heartbreak. What happened to the good ol' Southern rock of the Kings of old? I miss not being able to understand one fucking word Caleb Followill sang. I miss that. Listen to "Molly's Chambers", "Four Kicks", or "King of the Rodeo". You'll know what I mean.

I sure do complain a lot, don't I?But it's all going to be alright. The Alternate Routes are making their national television debut on Conan O' Brien tonight. One of the most kickass rock bands I've ever heard, on the best late night show ever?

Praise Max Weinberg, all is forgiven.